A year ago today I was starting to come out of one of the darkest chapters in my life in the wake of a severe depressive episode at the end if spring/start of summer. I was walking home from work and jumped into a takeaway at the foot of Leith Walk for my dinner. Whilst I was waiting for my food, I checked my phone and saw the awful news that Chester Bennington had passed away.
Whilst I wasn't what you would call a die-hard fan of Linkin Park, they were a band that you would find on every one of my CDs, mp3s, spotify playlists, whatever. The first CD I ever bought with my own pocket money was Hybrid Theory and it helped open up a world to me in which I met many wonderful people and made many friends I most likely wouldn't have otherwise met. Friends I still have to this day.
Their music and lyrics, particularly on Hybrid Theory, Meteora & Minutes To Midnight, helped me through the times when I thought my depression was just teenage angst and my anxiety was something that could be easily overcome. The emotion he put into his work resonated with me, and as I learned more about his past struggles the more I appreciated this.
I remember sitting in this takeaway, my mouth agog, scrolling through the internet trying to find something to say that this wasn't true. That it was some hideous rumour doing the rounds. That something had happened but he wasn't actually dead. It was only after a few hours that I began to accept it. I hadn't found it this difficult to accept the passing of other idols who had died by suicide, such as Robin Williams or Chris Cornell who had died a month or so prior to Chester. I had been saddened but I didn't go through this stage of denial. It hadn't hurt this much.
It was in the aftermath of Chester's passing that I decided to open up about my mental health. Hearing him talk about his battles and seeing how they had been a source of comfort to not just him but many others fighting those same demons, inspired me to talk about my own battles.
If you are feeling down or you are in a bad place, please talk to someone. Friends, family, a doctor, message me if you want to. If you're in the UK you can call Samaritans (116 123) or if you're in Scotland there is also Breathing Space (0800 83 85 87) if you want to talk to someone. The world can be a dark place. Your light makes it brighter for so many people.
Fuck it and fight it.
RIP Chester.
