So I was a lot quieter on this last year than I had expected. There were a number of reasons for this, but one of the main reasons was quite a biggy.
I became a dad.
My partner has a 2-year-old from a previous relationship and the biological father is nowhere to be seen. So as our relationship went on I became a more prominent figure in her life. I became her father figure. And its not been easy, but it is more than worth every tantrum, every cheeky reply, every time she hits.
But there is one particular aspect that is frustrating and uplifting at the same time; she has no understanding of what depression and anxiety are.
It's frustrating because if you're having a down day she won't care. No matter how shite you feel she'll still want someone to play hide & seek with. She'll need someone to feed her properly when you can't be bothered cooking a proper meal. She'll want to go to the park on days when getting out of bed feels like running a marathon.
But it's uplifting at the same time as no matter how much you doubt yourself, how useless you feel, how much you hate yourself that day, she'll always remind you that you matter. That your making a positive difference. That you're loved.
I'm going to try and get back into blogging properly this year. If I fall away for a bit, I'm probably just playing hide & seek.
Have a wonderful 2019.
Fuck it and fight it.
