I don't like moaning about my mental health but I need a rant.
Things appeared to be going alright for a while, and instead of enjoying I spent a lot of the time worrying, waiting for things to go wrong.
Well fuck me have they gone wrong.
I've burned myself out, big time. For the first time in my life I've been signed off. Things that aren't worth getting annoyed at enrage me beyond reason. There are external factors at work too but I can't do a lot to stop them. My anxiety and depression feel like they are through the roof at times.
I'm worrying that I'm falling into that same old pit I found myself in for almost two years. Some days I feel I'm in it, others like I'm circling it.
I'm fed up with being so irritable. With not finding enjoyment in old hobbies. With constantly feeling like I'm shite. I'm fed up with feeling like a crap friend, boyfriend, workmate etc. I'm fed up with feeling like I'm failing and can't prevent it. I'm fed up with feeling these things when deep down I know they're not true because unfortunately the voice reminding me of that fact is much quieter than the one telling me I'm shite.
I am fucking sick of being mentally ill.
Fuck it and fight it.
Having anxiety/depression to me means that every so often, the black dog bubbles back to the surface, whether it just peeks out to remind u its there or whether it rears its ugly head and comes back even more severe than before. Regardless of the form it takes, the moment you start recognising that familiar feeling - initiate self care mode. Put yourself first, your health is more important than any job, as hard as it is, try not to spend too much time feeling guilty for prioritising your mental health over work. Jobs will come and go - health is for life and comes first. Be selfish and do all the things that make you feel good, implement and administer self care and although you are already a great friend, family member boyfriend, workmate - im sure they will all agree - after some time of much needed self care, you will start to believe it again and the fog will begin to clear. Best wishes for your recovery.
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