My mental health diary: catching myself

From 24th October 2017.

I've said before that I think that one of the worst things about depression is catching yourself sinking. The only thing I think is worse is catching yourself having thoughts that you know are wrong and nonsensical.

Catching yourself thinking that you are alone and nobody cares when you know people do care so much and you are not alone.

Catching yourself feeling like a failure when you know you've overcome so much to get to where you are.

Catching yourself feeling like a burden to those around you when you know you're surrounded by unconditional love.

Then the guilt that comes with catching yourself having these horrible thoughts. The worry that you're driving people away. The fear that you're losing everything.

It's not your fault.

It's the biggest trick the cowardly bastard has in its arsenal. If you can get past it once you can do it again and again. It won't make it hurt less at the time, but it can be overcome.

I will overcome it again.